FINAL SUMMATION

this is basically a stream of consciousness........so please excuse any confusing wording.......

i cant think of a final summation without thinking about this school year entirely. what a crazy CRAZY ass period of dismantling self made rules in my life and art practice and completely rewriting them for myself. i really truly feel so empowered and my desires are different or maybe not even different just far more clear (i almost wrote queer) for me. Me using my body, live and in space changed a lot of things for me. maybe not even changed things but sparked so many more opportunities and possibilities within my life, my practice and my work. It is sort of like that moment you melt two metals together when you are welding and you see it happen before your eyes. you see each metal slipping into one another until they both are dissolved and become homogenized. homogenizing is not what im after but i think im after the split second where the metals are racing around one another beginning that interaction and understanding and almost question-meant or confrontation. or even water into oil and how the water and oil confront one another until, with these materials there is another resolution- a final state oil over water.

also through performance my relationship to object making has shifted. or maybe not even shifted but become a tiny little bit more clear..transparent..it feels oddly right bringing these things into the world. it feels necessary for me, which is important. i also think another thing that i have begun to consider more is site whether through live performance on site or sites mediated through video or found material etc. i get really excited thinking about the way a site can be mediated through me and then transformed/transplanted into new materials, energies and stories. The dirt was such a move for me- something i would never have considered before hand but its a powerful medium for me. it begins dialogues with communities (neighborhoods) outside of my own personal one and begins to make larger pools where intergenerational experiences are unearthed and revealed. understanding the spectrum of oppression and marginalization for lgbt/queer bodies is vital in my own practice. I think that is maybe why my performance style is so bodily and degrading because i am trying to understand the past, present and future simultaneously. 

i do not consider myself a character when i perform. it is me. it is max. the costuming is no different then when i dress to go out for the night or dress to go to the studio. costuming or dressing for myself is a means of survival. i make my own rules of how i dress. what i dress. where i dress. when i dress. why i dress. i have that power. i have that restraint. i dont have to consider the binaries constructed for me. i can dismantle them. i can reevaluate them and how they situate within my life. i think this also begins, for me, conversations about queer beauty and its consumption by the heterosexual society (heteronormativity). how can our bodies not be consumed? how can our beauty not be consumed? we are always being consumed by the majority- by the status quo. thats why its about a confrontation for me. a dominant role rather then a submissive one. and urgent one rather then a passive one. thats also something i think i have began to flesh out this semester is the type of viewer i am after. i desire for an active participant in my work not someone who is passive (i think these ideas were sort of covered in my second piece). i want someone to invest themselves into it. i want people to question themselves in it. i want people to intervene themselves in it. i want people to confront themselves in it.

I think with the latest piece i did i was definitely thinking a lot about lineages of the "same" experience and how they can create dialogue between one another which insulates, informs and manifests off of one another. The lineages of past homosexual and queer men (lgbt in its entirety) and then implementing my body to become a submissive passive character (in my minds eye) to carry out these tasks. i have only received one crit response from isabel and i just got done talking with laurel but in both responses aggression was bought up but not necessarily in a confrontational way but in a way that i was manifesting aggression as a material and it was coming from me and through me thus creating a cycle of sorts.

wow i could honestly keep talking. but i do look forward to what you thought! with work after school i am just excited to inhabit a new space and time and place and people and environment and see how that shifts my practice. i know that the urgency to create will always be there. i hope the drive will but alas it is alright. i am so excited to see what the future holds. i think my practice will obviously have to get a lot more "smart" in terms of $ and space. time and locations are free...well sort of haha! good luck with grades and such i hope you can make it out to Black Iris on friday 7-9, irvin and the class are having a night of performances should be a lot of fun!